I started this blog to get over pains...tears ...but with time, I've come to release, some pains are not meant to go! They are meant to be there reminidng you what life REALLY is all about...I wanted to blog using words to overcome the memories, moments, thoughts...but then again I couldn't even keep to that... As of my irregularity in posting! Hehe!
Thank you to all those that have been following my posts (with or without comments)..I may still come around just pop few lines and leave (or read and leave...depends)...
But then again I might post again when the pains less.. and I might not...So for now, am just closing the door...
WHAO! Got sooooo much say!! So lemme break it down...first of all...
Nija gist - Met HTB and HIM...but didn't get chance meet Tallie (for those of you still confused with the nicknames, refer to old post...thank you!). Saw my mom (still thinking on name call her with...mommy, mom, momcy, all clichés to me..) anyhoos...we fought like every second, still need work on how interact with one another I guess..then of course my cousins were driving me crazy!! But didn't really budge! All in all shaa was GREAT trip...had enough hanging outs..maltina's..suya..went to almost all the new restaurants opened (well those I didn't know of on my last visit)..was pampered to the max! Going back this time next year... hopefully :P
Death - It's been crazy! It was as if almost everyone I knew was dying..my good friend committed suicide..my step-grandma (popcys step-mother) dead..that's only to name a few...and top it all, two weeks ago my grandpa (step mom's father) died IN MY ARMS..first dead body I EVER saw, was of his wife... first DEATH I saw, was his! It wasn't easy for us at ALL!!!!!
School - Finals are here...then ten days break, then summer school of two months...then freedom of seven weeks ...which only means ONE thing...enough rock-ness!! YEA! Plus all my dorm friends are crashing at my crib coz the dorms get closed during summer... Picture four girls in a thirteen bedroom house, two drivers to our disposal, four house helps (no need get up cook, foods always on table) enough pocket money and NO curfew!! Damn!!!
Love - HIM and I still have the hots for each other... crazy complicated love story there :P HTB set a time frame for OUR BIG DAY ..and am practically going insane with arrangements!! Tallie didn't see me, but claims be coming in July... another ex of mine wants come in few days too (though we didn't really have a relationship, coz I didn't love him back then)...HIM wants come in July too...HTB is transiting through here for three hours,on his way to Dubai,tomorrow...I only pray they come one after the other or else am forced to lie and go 006 dodgey-style :-s A few school mates of mine are sending signals and two are asking for a date..YAKS!
Normal Doings - Got A full house..step mom's cousin and her six year old SNOBBY RUDE daughter are here...then later popcys cousin came with her CUTE very SMART two year old GIRL! Plus my bestie just left after like an eight days visit.. but coming back for whole month next week YEAPY!
Lemme not make this a longer post than necessary... more gist to come...coz you know me, DRAMA QUEEN :P
I was bummed when my stepmom was preparing and all for her trip to Nigeria, and I couldn't go...Apparently all I had do was say the right words to popcy, pray, nag, ask with the sweetest/babyest voice I can find (almost faking a tear...) and vuwala! Accepted! Am going to Nigeria!!!!!!!!! First time in YEARS!!! Don't know what expect...Who's dating who? Who's doing what? Who’s married who? Who’s giving birth to what/who? Who’s eloped where? Who's eating/ate what/who?! LOL! What has changed so far? What has not! Abundant questions!!! Among many things am dying for, seeing HTB top's them ALL (been five months), spending the new currency as another (only saw it, but never spent it per se :P), drinking ALOT and enough mult's (a.k.a Multina - missed that thing like HELL!) till I can't any more, would also be seeing Tallie and HIM (coz he's flying in too - but made his plans before me o!)....anyhoos, am still packing and too excited sleep...only ONE thing seems to wan ruin it all...Too many Nigerian's come here, and so all business class sits are FULLY booked! Only ones open, are two weeks from now....Darn! :s
.... SCHOOL something I should be over with two years ago...
SUMMER that reactivates my allergies...
DEATH taking away my loved ones...
myDAD not giving my boyfriend a chance...
myMOM asking none stop when am getting married...
myBOYFRIEND that won't propose already...or come this Easter...
my EX's whom make me feel weak...
EVERYONE telling me what do...
especailly those telling me to beHOPFUL...
orWAIT!
AmDONE waiting!! Am done beingPATIENT and what not!!S%#Tdrives meINSANE!!! And to top it all,NOT getting Easter breakOR ANY break for that matter, till freakingHELL JULY!!
I hadPLANS!!!!AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!
SOMEONE hand me aGUN!!!
ps.ONE thosuand FIVE hundred and FORTY five viewers from SIXTY two countries WORLD wide...not ONE follower...COM'N people! Don't be shy!!!!
Here are questions I come across, some on daily bases, some on things I NEVER get, and some random stuff I wonder answers for...hope y'al can help me find COMPROMISING (and the word is COMPROMISING) answers...or rather WONDER with me! :P
1. Why white people don’t beat their kids in public?
2. Why black people find the closest thing to tear that ass up?
3. Why it’s not okay to stay with a man or believe him after he says ‘I’m sorry’?
4. Why we can’t check two races on an application?
5. Why is it easier to lie?
6. Why no one knows what’s up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z?
7. Why all the good men are already taken?
8. Why are all the single women ignored? Everyone just wants to SNATCH!!! Proof!
9. Why divorced parents only care what THEY feel!! Not of the child they conceived may become heartbroken, lonely and perhaps even loose hope on love?...or rather grab it in the worst possible way? Become an EXTREMIST!
10. Why are people so against things/ideologies, life style or believes of others? Like homosexuals, voodoos...and such
11. Who the FUCK invited maths???!!
12. What would the world be like if we all spoke the same language?!
13. Why do people sign on an IM and immediately buzz or nudge you?? Whatever happened to good old fashion ‘hello’?
14. Why do we always want what we can’t have?
15. Why do our fathers always doubt the one we love?
16. Why do we always question our own questions, on and on?
17. Why is Islam misinterpreted as a religion 'by the sword' since 9/11? Whatever happened to RESEARCH???
18. Why the media holds an information, and bend it all they like?
19. Why some things never change? Are we spinning in circles??
20. Is love really REAL?? If it is, why doesn’t it ever last??
21. Why we all scared of the unKnown, but what we know, we miss use? e.g life and death!
22. Why can’t we STOP women and children trafficking/abuse? Spread of AIDS/HIV? But waste our times and efforts on unless issues like who’s religion is better than who's, who’s rights being violated and such crap?
23. Why is everything SO unFair??!!
24. Why do people SHOW OFF on their facebook status’ ? What they wearing? What and who they rolln’ with?
25. Why is it easier and sweeter to sin/do useless things that have of no benefit or value to us than to do good/ambitious things? Like facebooking instead of studying for midterms? Clubbing instead of going to church/masjid? Or paying call girls/prostitutes instead of giving to charity? Or planning a trip to Peru with your mistress instead of with your family or wife...y’al get my drift :P
So who has answers?? Be careful...your answers could STILL be questioned!
xx
ps.ok so I kinda took 1, 2, 4, 6, 7 and kinda 3, 8 from Oyin (coz we think alike *winks)
It's been four months I last saw HTB...and apparently after the assassination attempt on him (trust me, it wasn't easy...even on me!Plus of the fact that he lives alone and all....), he was advised to leave the country for while...so he calls and tells me. And I asked what visa's he had...said only of UK at the moment (they gave him eight years..is that even possible) anyhoos, I knew he was gonna say UK (he some how LOVES that place) I then bravely asked where else, and he said no where (ouch!) ...hmmmm...anyways...he then calls me days later telling me how he wants come to me, but cant coz dollar rates REALLY high in nija...bla bla bla...unless I pay half and he pays half...I don't even BLOODY work! (was a test I presume...)
At the same time, same week infact, he calls tell me he's going to UK on Saturday...that's this Saturday...hmmmm...I smell something...anyways we wait and see before I ruin it with my thoughts...
1. I hardly ever have regrets! 2. There’s nothing I hate more than cooking...the smell, the energy consuming...poof! 3. When I meet someone new, I have habit asking what their facebook user name is as well :P 4. Just like any ordinary girl, I love flowers, perfumes and chocolateeeeeeeeeeeee! 5. I live by many rules and principles designed and constructed by me, but with depth meanings! 6. I don't let anything get in the way of my ‘me time’ 7. I always merge my bed spreads with millions of chocolate merges (what else should I call them?)...y'al can guess what I do before going bed *wink 8. I like to be different, if possible unique...and hate when people compare...actually everyone’s their own unique-fulness! 9. I suck at reading, writing and some times speaking, in my own mother tongue! 10. I want a pink diamond on my engagement ring 11. My boyfriends always turn out be my closest friends...I tell them everything... from the littlest things to the biggest! They become my friend, lover, adviser and encourager! (and I only had three plus the current one, four) 12. I got loads sides/personalities to me...gangsta, mafia, softy, bitch (trust me, y'al don't want see my bitch side LOL!) and all those other in betweens! 13. Strongly dislike all those die hard fans, that use phrases like "For Life" after everything they say!!! 14. Want get into real estate-ing ish seems interesting 15. Have a dream of buying off and renovating Kano State zoo :D 16. I can’t swim 17. 95% of everything I own was given to me... 18. I forget easily but yet remember the oddest things 19. Am still working on my low self esteem 20. Still don't get what the fuss about sex is all about!! 21. I sleep with my eyes open...no seriously I do! 22. I love jollof rice! 23. I rather read a dictionary than cook! That’s how uninterested I am 24. Actually there’s more than 25 things to say... but 25. ....am bored
1.I’ve never clubbed in my life nor had drop of alcohol
2.Am a pink-freak!!! Always find myself wearing or using something pink, EVERYDAY!
3.Am an extremist...especially when it comes to love!
4.I want people think am bad, though I always somehow appear innocent! Hmmm
5.Am lazy...in capitals...in all languages of the world, in all signs of sign languages of the world!
6.Well, even though am lazy, am somehow a clean freak...don't ask me...LOL!
7.Am easy going and down to earth...which most people take advantage of!
8.I hate when someone tells me what do...it freaks me out! Like SERIOUSLY!!!
9.I have this thing of ignoring people...what really happens is, I tend drift away from a situation/event/moment, next thing I find myself asking the person what they said or replying with a ‘hmmm’ even when I didn’t get a word they just said!! Some say is snobby, but I don't think so....
10.Am sometimes bossy!
11.Unlike most girls, I don’t mind saying out my real age...though most times I don’t act it :P
12.Even though am aggressive, I cry from like drop of a petal!
13.I droll in my sleep...can’t seem find cure as well L (any ideas...don't think there’s anything I haven’t tried!)
14.I love kids but can’t stand them when they spoiled, dirty and snobby!
15.Am only religious at heart, and hate showing it ...iono why
16.I HATE slow people that don’t get things fast!
17.I have a graduate (not high school) crush on Denzel Washington...as in y’al don't even know! But if I was a guy, Alicia would have been my biggest crush EVER! But I don't do homo thank you very much
18.I hate when people are sooooo obsess about things...like Obama, facebook (though I got hooked too), Nuur (some dumb Turkish series), Oprah and stuff like that!! Oh ya, and Beyouncé!! Poof!
19.I LOVE annoying people and getting on their last nerve! Just see what they can do...*evil laugh... hehehee
20.Am shy! Even though am very outgoing!
21.I don’t fall in love easily...but when I do...hmmmm, well like I said am an extremist!!!
22.I smell things to get confidence...like food (if it’d taste good), or dirty stuff (if they dirty enough) and stuff like that :P *plus I gas alot LOL!
23.Am parent-phobia!!!!!! Like BIG time!!! Am still shy and scared to talk to my friend, for 8 years, mom!
24.I use to iron all my underwear! No I didn’t stop coz I got lazy...I kinda couldn’t coz everything’s done for me and it eventually evaporated from my system....(ok that sounded lil snobby...but who cares LOL! :P ) but seriously looking for stuff like iron, detergent, vacuum and co are soooo hard find!
25.I love talking! And that pretty much sums it up!
Extras;
1.I love doing favours for people...just make them smile, like I do when am doing it!
2.I love taking crazy risks with my life...like once attempted running away...wan go bungee jumping... also take fashion risks, like wear trads with sneakers :P
3.Am obsessed, addicted and CRAZY about chocolates....hell my brothers say is what actually runs in my veins instead of blood! LOL
4.Don't think I can love anyone in this world as much as I love my dad :P (ya even my mom...odd?)
5.Am a nature freak...I love everything natural, as in I hate makeup, fake hair, fake nails, lashes ...fake people and stuff like that...drives me insane!!!!!
6.It’s been eighteen years and I still can’t pronounce ‘aluminium’ ...dead serious people!
7.I love arguing...even though am wrong, I keep going till I win...makes me feel superior kinda :P and sometimes just to annoy my opponent, I keep going just see when they’d give in *evil laugh
8.I keep things like an old woman...hmmm come think of it, so does my mom, she kept the dress I was born in :P I got atleast ten shoe boxes filled with pens!!
9.Am what they call ‘brutally honest’ and VERY blunt, it sometimes scare me...as in most times it gets me in crazy shit...but then somehow pays, and gets me out...guess honesty really is the best policy!!
10.I don't have secrets...as in, either I told one person this secret or the other, or if not, documented it in my dairy...I only got a hand full...and all fingers are given out...hmmmm sad if you ask me...working on it shaa :P
Ok we could go on for days...but imma tired now...off to sleep >>>>
The man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words is only still learning...
I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows. I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day. I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class. I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds. I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I've learned.... That I should say more of 'I love you's' when I can, before is too late. I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned.... That when a newly born child holds your little finger in his/her little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
As I was passing some elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to. But for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were. Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further....nothing can stop you...except you... Break that rope that is stopping you from moving forward!
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“The restrictive nature of our mind will always be the architect of our misfortune.”
“You never know what you can do till you try.”
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. Your only treasure is that which you carry in your heart.”
....Was walking round the mall with my girls...doing as we do best...SHOPPING, when my phone rung...no name,but I knew the number. Took me half a second know who's number it was, after only dialing it close to ten zillion times a day, for three years! It was Tallie...I picked;
Me:Hello Tallie:Heyyyy mama (always called me that when he's trying be cute) Me:Hey Tallie what's up?
Sounded like he was in a car or something...
Tallie:How you dey na? longest time Me:Am aiit coping with life,as we always do...and you? Tallie:If you can show me... (or so it sounded like he said that) Me:Wha? I can't hear you...
Silence...shoooo noises...
Tallie:You've been...And how did you even...Abeg call me! Me: (ok I got that part) Aiit sure...but not home now...later Tallie: Ok take care now... Me:Hmmmm na wa o..to what I deserve all this?...but I would! Tallie: (he laughs) Coz you always do..bye Me:Hmmmm...bye This is the same person that suddenly woke and called me,just tell me never call him again..with no reason o...same person that called me a gossip....same person I haven't heard from in four months...anyways,the whole surprise call got me thinking...couldn't stop making excuses in my mind as to why he suddenly cares, couldn't resist the suspension...so I picked up the phone...it rung twice, then a click
Tallie:Hello? Me:Hey is me... Tallie:Heyyy gurl what's up? Me:I should ask you...why you suddenly remember me? Tallie: No is not like that...saw your message on facebook... Me:And what about it? Tallie:What you mean by I asked you stop contacting me but still ask after you? Me:What else does it mean, than what it means? You called me names...but yet ask your cousin of me everyday...isn't that so? Tallie:Well ya...but... Me: Ya? Tallie:Abeg forget that one... (then he tries change the topic) that your profile picture... (hmmmm so this was the real reason why he called) Me:Ya what about it? Tallie:You look pretty....abeg remove it (with a loud laugh) Me: (See me,see trouble o)Why? isn't that the purpose? put up pix you like most? Tallie:Enh...but (more laughs) Me:Abeg leave my picture...so why looking for me? Tallie:Just thought say hi (is so obvious what a guy REALLY means when he says that) Me:Enh...what happened to your girlfriends? Tallie:I told you I have none... Me:But that's not what your status says on facebook (me I take that thing serious o!) Tallie:That one na just facebook thing (most guys NOT single rather appear single, not the other way round!) Me:Hmmmm...so why after all the insult, you call?? Tallie:That one was just a huge misunderstanding... Me:What you mean? Tallie:It was just one day like that, I just come in Abj and some guys drag me to one side and asked me why I did that to Tears...as in I was just wondering... Me:And didn't you ask them what they meant? Tallie:I did but they won't tell me... Me:And the next best thought that came to you, was to call me up to call me a gossip?? Tallie:No...I was just angry...abeg forget that (this is his way of saying sorry, let's move on...damn he never changed!) Me:And who are these guys if I may ask? Tallie:You wouldn't know them...coz I don't know them self.. (knowing him as I did so well,I knew he was lying...about the WHOLE thing)
From what I concluded....there were no guys, it was just his way of creating events to get rid of what he can't get rid of calmly, aggressively...either to please another girl, or please himself...feeling there's no other better way get me off his mind...LOL!
Me:But why did you blame everything on me? Tallie:I said am sorry (which he didn't) Me:Hmmmm... Tallie:So what's up now? How's your prince? he still dey? Me:Yap! Strong as ever! Tallie:Enh...Well that's good... Me:I know... (After an awkward silence...) Tallie:Am happy for you... Me:Thanx
People am tried...so lemme just conclude what happened...
We then later ended up chatting on IM...catching up and breaking news...to the point that I told him what kinda mess I was in, and would really need his help if he could afford (after all we did promise be there for each other, no matter what!)...said he would try, but not promising (which is always how he talks...) I shaa thanked him and told him I was counting on him...he was gon send me the money I needed, but won't take it back...instead would find another way/means pay him (no no, don't start thinking nasty...he merely meant rub my back I rub yours, kinda way...whenever he needed me, he would count on me to be there too...). Adding that he would be coming to town by June for some 'personal' affairs as he calls it...hmmmmm wonder what it would be like seeing him, after two years :I
