Taking Those Steps...

Closing the door...

2009-08-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

I started this blog to get over pains...tears ...but with time, I've come to release, some pains are not meant to go! They are meant to be there reminidng you what life REALLY is all about...I wanted to blog using words to overcome the memories, moments, thoughts...but then again I couldn't even keep to that... As of my irregularity in posting! Hehe!

Thank you to all those that have been following my posts (with or without comments)..I may still come around just pop few lines and leave (or read and leave...depends)...

But then again I might post again when the pains less.. and I might not...So for now, am just closing the door...

Nothing Would Be The Same Again...

2009-08-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

R.I.P Bro. 11.08.09

R.I.P

2009-06-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

In Our Hearts You live On...

Don't you just hate men that lie?!

2009-06-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

Well I do!

LIFE - So much to it...

2009-05-29T02:56:00.000-07:00

WHAO! Got sooooo much say!! So lemme break it down...first of all...

Nija gist - Met HTB and HIM...but didn't get chance meet Tallie (for those of you still confused with the nicknames, refer to old post...thank you!). Saw my mom (still thinking on name call her with...mommy, mom, momcy, all clichés to me..) anyhoos...we fought like every second, still need work on how interact with one another I guess..then of course my cousins were driving me crazy!! But didn't really budge! All in all shaa was GREAT trip...had enough hanging outs..maltina's..suya..went to almost all the new restaurants opened (well those I didn't know of on my last visit)..was pampered to the max! Going back this time next year... hopefully :P

Death - It's been crazy! It was as if almost everyone I knew was dying..my good friend committed suicide..my step-grandma (popcys step-mother) dead..that's only to name a few...and top it all, two weeks ago my grandpa (step mom's father) died IN MY ARMS..first dead body I EVER saw, was of his wife... first DEATH I saw, was his! It wasn't easy for us at ALL!!!!!

School - Finals are here...then ten days break, then summer school of two months...then freedom of seven weeks ...which only means ONE thing...enough rock-ness!! YEA! Plus all my dorm friends are crashing at my crib coz the dorms get closed during summer... Picture four girls in a thirteen bedroom house, two drivers to our disposal, four house helps (no need get up cook, foods always on table) enough pocket money and NO curfew!! Damn!!!

Love - HIM and I still have the hots for each other... crazy complicated love story there :P HTB set a time frame for OUR BIG DAY ..and am practically going insane with arrangements!! Tallie didn't see me, but claims be coming in July... another ex of mine wants come in few days too (though we didn't really have a relationship, coz I didn't love him back then)...HIM wants come in July too...HTB is transiting through here for three hours,on his way to Dubai,tomorrow...I only pray they come one after the other or else am forced to lie and go 006 dodgey-style :-s A few school mates of mine are sending signals and two are asking for a date..YAKS!

Normal Doings - Got A full house..step mom's cousin and her six year old SNOBBY RUDE daughter are here...then later popcys cousin came with her CUTE very SMART two year old GIRL! Plus my bestie just left after like an eight days visit.. but coming back for whole month next week YEAPY!

Lemme not make this a longer post than necessary... more gist to come...coz you know me, DRAMA QUEEN :P

Would be Back Soonest...

2009-05-12T02:12:00.000-07:00

Am so sorry guys I havn't come back with feed backs on my trip...I would soon....once am over this shit!!!

Going back to my roots...

2009-04-12T23:26:00.000-07:00

I was bummed when my stepmom was preparing and all for her trip to Nigeria, and I couldn't go...Apparently all I had do was say the right words to popcy, pray, nag, ask with the sweetest/babyest voice I can find (almost faking a tear...) and vuwala! Accepted! Am going to Nigeria!!!!!!!!! First time in YEARS!!! Don't know what expect...Who's dating who? Who's doing what? Who’s married who? Who’s giving birth to what/who? Who’s eloped where? Who's eating/ate what/who?! LOL! What has changed so far? What has not! Abundant questions!!! Among many things am dying for, seeing HTB top's them ALL (been five months), spending the new currency as another (only saw it, but never spent it per se :P), drinking ALOT and enough mult's (a.k.a Multina - missed that thing like HELL!) till I can't any more, would also be seeing Tallie and HIM (coz he's flying in too - but made his plans before me o!)....anyhoos, am still packing and too excited sleep...only ONE thing seems to wan ruin it all...Too many Nigerian's come here, and so all business class sits are FULLY booked! Only ones open, are two weeks from now....Darn! :s

What makes me sick...

2009-04-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

.... SCHOOL something I should be over with two years ago...

SUMMER that reactivates my allergies...

DEATH taking away my loved ones...

my DAD not giving my boyfriend a chance...

my MOM asking none stop when am getting married...

my BOYFRIEND that won't propose already... or come this Easter...

my EX's whom make me feel weak...

EVERYONE telling me what do...

especailly those telling me to be HOPFUL...

or WAIT!

Am DONE waiting!! Am done being PATIENT and what not!! S%#T drives me INSANE!!! And to top it all, NOT getting Easter break OR ANY break for that matter, till freaking HELL JULY!!

I had PLANS!!!! AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

SOMEONE hand me a GUN!!!

ps.ONE thosuand FIVE hundred and FORTY five viewers from SIXTY two countries WORLD wide...not ONE follower...COM'N people! Don't be shy!!!!

My Twenty-5 Thoughts....

2009-03-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

Here are questions I come across, some on daily bases, some on things I NEVER get, and some random stuff I wonder answers for...hope y'al can help me find COMPROMISING (and the word is COMPROMISING) answers...or rather WONDER with me! :P

1. Why white people don’t beat their kids in public?

2. Why black people find the closest thing to tear that ass up?

3. Why it’s not okay to stay with a man or believe him after he says ‘I’m sorry’?

4. Why we can’t check two races on an application?

5. Why is it easier to lie?

6. Why no one knows what’s up with Beyoncé and Jay-Z?

7. Why all the good men are already taken?

8. Why are all the single women ignored? Everyone just wants to SNATCH!!! Proof!

9. Why divorced parents only care what THEY feel!! Not of the child they conceived may become heartbroken, lonely and perhaps even loose hope on love?...or rather grab it in the worst possible way? Become an EXTREMIST!

10. Why are people so against things/ideologies, life style or believes of others? Like homosexuals, voodoos...and such

11. Who the FUCK invited maths???!!

12. What would the world be like if we all spoke the same language?!

13. Why do people sign on an IM and immediately buzz or nudge you?? Whatever happened to good old fashion ‘hello’?

14. Why do we always want what we can’t have?

15. Why do our fathers always doubt the one we love?

16. Why do we always question our own questions, on and on?

17. Why is Islam misinterpreted as a religion 'by the sword' since 9/11? Whatever happened to RESEARCH???

18. Why the media holds an information, and bend it all they like?

19. Why some things never change? Are we spinning in circles??

20. Is love really REAL?? If it is, why doesn’t it ever last??

21. Why we all scared of the unKnown, but what we know, we miss use? e.g life and death!

22. Why can’t we STOP women and children trafficking/abuse? Spread of AIDS/HIV? But waste our times and efforts on unless issues like who’s religion is better than who's, who’s rights being violated and such crap?

23. Why is everything SO unFair??!!

24. Why do people SHOW OFF on their facebook status’ ? What they wearing? What and who they rolln’ with?

25. Why is it easier and sweeter to sin/do useless things that have of no benefit or value to us than to do good/ambitious things? Like facebooking instead of studying for midterms? Clubbing instead of going to church/masjid? Or paying call girls/prostitutes instead of giving to charity? Or planning a trip to Peru with your mistress instead of with your family or wife...y’al get my drift :P

So who has answers?? Be careful...your answers could STILL be questioned!

xx

ps.ok so I kinda took 1, 2, 4, 6, 7 and kinda 3, 8 from Oyin (coz we think alike *winks)

Could it be a surprise?

2009-03-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

It's been four months I last saw HTB...and apparently after the assassination attempt on him (trust me, it wasn't easy...even on me!Plus of the fact that he lives alone and all....), he was advised to leave the country for while...so he calls and tells me. And I asked what visa's he had...said only of UK at the moment (they gave him eight years..is that even possible) anyhoos, I knew he was gonna say UK (he some how LOVES that place) I then bravely asked where else, and he said no where (ouch!) ...hmmmm...anyways...he then calls me days later telling me how he wants come to me, but cant coz dollar rates REALLY high in nija...bla bla bla...unless I pay half and he pays half...I don't even BLOODY work! (was a test I presume...)

At the same time, same week infact, he calls tell me he's going to UK on Saturday...that's this Saturday...hmmmm...I smell something...anyways we wait and see before I ruin it with my thoughts...

xx

Had enough? Well think again!!

2009-03-04T12:57:00.000-08:00

More Randomness of me!!!

1. I hardly ever have regrets!
2. There’s nothing I hate more than cooking...the smell, the energy consuming...poof!
3. When I meet someone new, I have habit asking what their facebook user name is as well :P
4. Just like any ordinary girl, I love flowers, perfumes and chocolateeeeeeeeeeeee!
5. I live by many rules and principles designed and constructed by me, but with depth meanings!
6. I don't let anything get in the way of my ‘me time’
7. I always merge my bed spreads with millions of chocolate merges (what else should I call them?)...y'al can guess what I do before going bed *wink
8. I like to be different, if possible unique...and hate when people compare...actually everyone’s their own unique-fulness!
9. I suck at reading, writing and some times speaking, in my own mother tongue!
10. I want a pink diamond on my engagement ring
11. My boyfriends always turn out be my closest friends...I tell them everything... from the littlest things to the biggest! They become my friend, lover, adviser and encourager! (and I only had three plus the current one, four)
12. I got loads sides/personalities to me...gangsta, mafia, softy, bitch (trust me, y'al don't want see my bitch side LOL!) and all those other in betweens!
13. Strongly dislike all those die hard fans, that use phrases like "For Life" after everything they say!!!
14. Want get into real estate-ing ish seems interesting
15. Have a dream of buying off and renovating Kano State zoo :D
16. I can’t swim
17. 95% of everything I own was given to me...
18. I forget easily but yet remember the oddest things
19. Am still working on my low self esteem
20. Still don't get what the fuss about sex is all about!!
21. I sleep with my eyes open...no seriously I do!
22. I love jollof rice!
23. I rather read a dictionary than cook! That’s how uninterested I am
24. Actually there’s more than 25 things to say... but
25. ....am bored

Twenty Five Randomness of Tears

2009-02-17T03:05:00.000-08:00

1. I’ve never clubbed in my life nor had drop of alcohol

2. Am a pink-freak!!! Always find myself wearing or using something pink, EVERYDAY!

3. Am an extremist...especially when it comes to love!

4. I want people think am bad, though I always somehow appear innocent! Hmmm

5. Am lazy...in capitals...in all languages of the world, in all signs of sign languages of the world!

6. Well, even though am lazy, am somehow a clean freak...don't ask me...LOL!

7. Am easy going and down to earth...which most people take advantage of!

8. I hate when someone tells me what do...it freaks me out! Like SERIOUSLY!!!

9. I have this thing of ignoring people...what really happens is, I tend drift away from a situation/event/moment, next thing I find myself asking the person what they said or replying with a ‘hmmm’ even when I didn’t get a word they just said!! Some say is snobby, but I don't think so....

10. Am sometimes bossy!

11. Unlike most girls, I don’t mind saying out my real age...though most times I don’t act it :P

12. Even though am aggressive, I cry from like drop of a petal!

13. I droll in my sleep...can’t seem find cure as well L (any ideas...don't think there’s anything I haven’t tried!)

14. I love kids but can’t stand them when they spoiled, dirty and snobby!

15. Am only religious at heart, and hate showing it ...iono why

16. I HATE slow people that don’t get things fast!

17. I have a graduate (not high school) crush on Denzel Washington...as in y’al don't even know! But if I was a guy, Alicia would have been my biggest crush EVER! But I don't do homo thank you very much

18. I hate when people are sooooo obsess about things...like Obama, facebook (though I got hooked too), Nuur (some dumb Turkish series), Oprah and stuff like that!! Oh ya, and Beyouncé!! Poof!

19. I LOVE annoying people and getting on their last nerve! Just see what they can do...*evil laugh... hehehee

20. Am shy! Even though am very outgoing!

21. I don’t fall in love easily...but when I do...hmmmm, well like I said am an extremist!!!

22. I smell things to get confidence...like food (if it’d taste good), or dirty stuff (if they dirty enough) and stuff like that :P *plus I gas alot LOL!

23. Am parent-phobia!!!!!! Like BIG time!!! Am still shy and scared to talk to my friend, for 8 years, mom!

24. I use to iron all my underwear! No I didn’t stop coz I got lazy...I kinda couldn’t coz everything’s done for me and it eventually evaporated from my system....(ok that sounded lil snobby...but who cares LOL! :P ) but seriously looking for stuff like iron, detergent, vacuum and co are soooo hard find!

25. I love talking! And that pretty much sums it up!

Extras;

1. I love doing favours for people...just make them smile, like I do when am doing it!

2. I love taking crazy risks with my life...like once attempted running away...wan go bungee jumping... also take fashion risks, like wear trads with sneakers :P

3. Am obsessed, addicted and CRAZY about chocolates....hell my brothers say is what actually runs in my veins instead of blood! LOL

4. Don't think I can love anyone in this world as much as I love my dad :P (ya even my mom...odd?)

5. Am a nature freak...I love everything natural, as in I hate makeup, fake hair, fake nails, lashes ...fake people and stuff like that...drives me insane!!!!!

6. It’s been eighteen years and I still can’t pronounce ‘aluminium’ ...dead serious people!

7. I love arguing...even though am wrong, I keep going till I win...makes me feel superior kinda :P and sometimes just to annoy my opponent, I keep going just see when they’d give in *evil laugh

8. I keep things like an old woman...hmmm come think of it, so does my mom, she kept the dress I was born in :P I got atleast ten shoe boxes filled with pens!!

9. Am what they call ‘brutally honest’ and VERY blunt, it sometimes scare me...as in most times it gets me in crazy shit...but then somehow pays, and gets me out...guess honesty really is the best policy!!

10. I don't have secrets...as in, either I told one person this secret or the other, or if not, documented it in my dairy...I only got a hand full...and all fingers are given out...hmmmm sad if you ask me...working on it shaa :P

Ok we could go on for days...but imma tired now...off to sleep >>>>

What Life Teachs You

2009-02-13T02:22:00.000-08:00

The man who has the gift of saying so much with so few words is only still learning...

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person. I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows. I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day. I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right. I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult. I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class. I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you. I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds. I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere. I've learned.... That I should say more of 'I love you's' when I can, before is too late. I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them. I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned.... That when a newly born child holds your little finger in his/her little fist, that you're hooked for life. I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Written by Andy Rooney (and kinda edited by me)

Which Rope is Holding you Back?

2009-02-07T03:31:00.000-08:00

As I was passing some elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to. But for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were. Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? So make an attempt to grow further....nothing can stop you...except you... Break that rope that is stopping you from moving forward!

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“The restrictive nature of our mind will always be the architect of our misfortune.”

“You never know what you can do till you try.”

“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. Your only treasure is that which you carry in your heart.”

Changing Lanes II

2009-01-30T04:31:00.000-08:00

....Was walking round the mall with my girls...doing as we do best...SHOPPING, when my phone rung...no name,but I knew the number. Took me half a second know who's number it was, after only dialing it close to ten zillion times a day, for three years! It was Tallie...I picked;

Me: Hello
Tallie: Heyyyy mama (always called me that when he's trying be cute)
Me: Hey Tallie what's up?

Sounded like he was in a car or something...

Tallie: How you dey na? longest time
Me: Am aiit coping with life,as we always do...and you?
Tallie: If you can show me... (or so it sounded like he said that)
Me: Wha? I can't hear you...

Silence...shoooo noises...

Tallie: You've been...And how did you even...Abeg call me!
Me: (ok I got that part) Aiit sure...but not home now...later
Tallie: Ok take care now...
Me: Hmmmm na wa o..to what I deserve all this?...but I would!
Tallie: (he laughs) Coz you always do..bye
Me: Hmmmm...bye

This is the same person that suddenly woke and called me,just tell me never call him again..with no reason o...same person that called me a gossip....same person I haven't heard from in four months...anyways,the whole surprise call got me thinking...couldn't stop making excuses in my mind as to why he suddenly cares, couldn't resist the suspension...so I picked up the phone...it rung twice, then a click

Tallie: Hello?
Me: Hey is me...
Tallie: Heyyy gurl what's up?
Me: I should ask you...why you suddenly remember me?
Tallie: No is not like that...saw your message on facebook...
Me: And what about it?
Tallie: What you mean by I asked you stop contacting me but still ask after you?
Me: What else does it mean, than what it means? You called me names...but yet ask your cousin of me everyday...isn't that so?
Tallie: Well ya...but...
Me: Ya?
Tallie: Abeg forget that one... (then he tries change the topic) that your profile picture... (hmmmm so this was the real reason why he called)
Me: Ya what about it?
Tallie: You look pretty....abeg remove it (with a loud laugh)
Me: (See me,see trouble o) Why? isn't that the purpose? put up pix you like most?
Tallie: Enh...but (more laughs)
Me: Abeg leave my picture...so why looking for me?
Tallie: Just thought say hi (is so obvious what a guy REALLY means when he says that)
Me: Enh...what happened to your girlfriends?
Tallie: I told you I have none...
Me: But that's not what your status says on facebook (me I take that thing serious o!)
Tallie: That one na just facebook thing (most guys NOT single rather appear single, not the other way round!)
Me: Hmmmm...so why after all the insult, you call??
Tallie: That one was just a huge misunderstanding...
Me: What you mean?
Tallie: It was just one day like that, I just come in Abj and some guys drag me to one side and asked me why I did that to Tears...as in I was just wondering...
Me: And didn't you ask them what they meant?
Tallie: I did but they won't tell me...
Me: And the next best thought that came to you, was to call me up to call me a gossip??
Tallie: No...I was just angry...abeg forget that (this is his way of saying sorry, let's move on...damn he never changed!)
Me: And who are these guys if I may ask?
Tallie: You wouldn't know them...coz I don't know them self.. (knowing him as I did so well,I knew he was lying...about the WHOLE thing)

From what I concluded....there were no guys, it was just his way of creating events to get rid of what he can't get rid of calmly, aggressively...either to please another girl, or please himself...feeling there's no other better way get me off his mind...LOL!

Me: But why did you blame everything on me?
Tallie: I said am sorry (which he didn't)
Me: Hmmmm...
Tallie: So what's up now? How's your prince? he still dey?
Me: Yap! Strong as ever!
Tallie: Enh...Well that's good...
Me: I know...
(After an awkward silence...)
Tallie: Am happy for you...
Me: Thanx

People am tried...so lemme just conclude what happened...

We then later ended up chatting on IM...catching up and breaking news...to the point that I told him what kinda mess I was in, and would really need his help if he could afford (after all we did promise be there for each other, no matter what!)...said he would try, but not promising (which is always how he talks...) I shaa thanked him and told him I was counting on him...he was gon send me the money I needed, but won't take it back...instead would find another way/means pay him (no no, don't start thinking nasty...he merely meant rub my back I rub yours, kinda way...whenever he needed me, he would count on me to be there too...). Adding that he would be coming to town by June for some 'personal' affairs as he calls it...hmmmmm wonder what it would be like seeing him, after two years :I

Changing Lanes

2009-01-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

Aiit so here's the thing...kinda been ina mess for while...dads not talking me, just coz I stayed out late...till 4am...actually that's long enough for the kinda dad I got! Then I was going out from 9am till 8pm, practically twenty to twenty plus hours outside EVERYDAY for two weeks...y'al can picture from this what happened when he was told ba?

Well being me as me is..we kinda got ina fight instead of making things better, it got to the point that I slammed my door to his face...hmmm honestly thought he was gon follow me and whop me (even though he NEVER lay hands on us violently)...come think of it,would have been easier, coz the silent treatments eaten my BONES...

Need load my phone, not possible...need get new stuffs (winters here), not possible...need get my hair did, not possible...need to...need to...hmmmmm...am soooo freaking BROKE I feel like I should wear rugged cap, empty beans can, singing (this may get me arrested instead shaa, those who heard me on BlogVille idols08, would get what I mean!lol) or maybe instead beg (just to be safe)....well I kinda did, but only to those qualified to be begged on :P

Went to HIM (go here see who HIM is) actually asked him online since we kinda in different countries now...and he agreed to help...then I kinda lost my patience and told him forget it, even though I still needed it ...shouldn't he know this? anyways I then later swallowed my pride and asked of it again(dumbest thing I ever did!!poof!)...apparently he was already doing the sending preparations but canceled coz I told him to...but this time, I didn't get a straight answer and let it be... (though there's a story to behind my canceling..for another day)

Anyways some how God sent me a tall,well dressed, winged ANGEL!...disguised as Tallie (read about him here too)...would continue on what happened next...damn sleepyyyyy :P

OUT>>>>

It's here...

2009-01-01T04:03:00.000-08:00

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(`'·.¸ (`'·.¸*¤* ¸.·'´) ¸.·'´)
♥ ** Happy New Year ** ♥
(¸.·'´ (¸.·'´*¤* `'·.¸) `'·.¸

..remember, life is short; break the rules...forgive quickly...love truly...laugh uncontrollably...and never regret anything that made you smile!!

¤ø„¸¨°º¤ø„¸ ¸„ø¤º°¨¸„ø¤º°¨
¨°º¤ø„¸ HaPpY ¸„ø¤º°¨
¸„ø¤º°¨ NeW yEaR``°º¤ø„¸
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The Best Policy

2008-12-23T07:24:00.002-08:00

Tagged by Oyin (was honest enough say how bad she wants know my biz...kinda cute though if you ask me :D )

Aiit here goes;

1. People always mis-judge, mis-interpret and mis-perdict me all the BLOODY time..is it that no one GETS me??I could though, be VERY unpredictable..but seriously!!

2. Some times wished fake my death..just run away, you know?Actually planned it out couple of times...

3. Been watching ‘The L Word’ alot lately..and I mean ALOT..and some how really just wan try how it feels do a girl :P

4. I only blog what I want people know about me (construct an impression, kinda)..though my real daily dilemma’s are Monkey Arse too CRAZY for words!!

5. I find myself really flexible, and tried see if I could ever give myself head if i needed to...almost there :P

6. Always wished I was born Latino

7. Only started loving my mom two years ago

8. I kinda REALLY hate porn!

9. I always run away from commitments and challenges...as in even if am suppose to do a hard course coz it's good for me, I rather drop it..

10. Am in love with a married man...

My Re-Birth Day!!

2008-11-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

Was the maddess maddiest day EVER!!!! :P

The Come Back!

2008-11-16T00:07:00.000-08:00

Ya so i've been away for while...sorry you guys,but now am BACK! Full to blast! (ok whatever that meant :P )

Here are my brief updates:
My Birthday's coming soon...

My HTB is coming AGAIN...

My Birthday's coming soon...

School SUCKS (as usual)...

And lastly....my birthday's coming soon... :P

For those of you who don't know HTB go here and follow up here :P

much love xx

Sorry you guys...

2008-10-02T17:20:00.000-07:00

for being away for so long...just out there taking those steps accordingly before karma or law physics get me (gravity...ya ya i know is not a law...bite me for trying act smart! tisk!) anyhoos...would be back soon as i take them delicately with as much perfection as possible...mean while Eid Mubarak, Nigerian 48th Day and all those happy seasons going around...

kisses

Me Ranting...

2008-09-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

Ok so y'al can tell me what you think...sorry about the typos and clumsiness,and smiley with joint :P Would get better...
Notice no tear dropping?Just disguising my looks Bernie Mac style...

New beginning baby!!!

xx

Testing Testing...

2008-09-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

Lazy Me...

2008-09-06T05:21:00.001-07:00

For those of you that know me, know how lazyyyyy I can be! (stretch out the y well well).
As it is now the Holly month of Ramadan, the getting up's, the eating, the praying, has all got me outta touch and alot more lazy :P Just apologizing to those patiently and silently waiting on update! Would surly get myself together and back on track, before y'al can say P (for post)....wishing y'al all best in everything you believe in!

Happy Ramadan! Happy September! Happy Living!! :P

xx

Who takes the blame?

2008-08-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this whole scamming thing really has bad effect on us.
I can't go some where and be like "I'm a Nigerian" without getting that LOOK! (though I can claim be my other half any time). Some times they ask me "So what you doing here?" like the only place we belong is in the bush (or where ever it is they think!!). But being fu'king PROUD as I am of my identity, I don't give a sh't!!
The High Commissioner, Mr.Sunday Olu Agbi, thinks the victims are to be blamed for their greediness....but is this REALLY the case??

Read some comments here carefully, see what they say: Thoughts
The part where they say Nigerian leaders are to be blamed for the poor economy, low standard of education, inadequate job offers (with GOOD payment) and such, make ALOT sense to me....what about you?

But really, who is to be blamed?

I think, the government for using our money on themselves instead of our economy, education, and other critical issues (though countless promises are made on this). The greedy for looking an easy way. The heartless for taking advantage of the naive. The media for twisting facts. The lazy artiest. The parent for not caring enough. The ones looking for who blame when they are to be blamed as well!! But hey that's just me!

So who YOU think is to be blamed??

Say a Prayer

2008-08-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

It has been SEVEN years since she left us...your legacy lives on...

Aaliyah Dana Haughton (aka Aaliyah)
January 16, 1979 – August 25, 2001

In our hearts you live...

Lost in Time...

2008-08-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

So I don't know what kept me from updating...been really busy (but of what?...hmmmm) guess I just lost track of time...sorry you guys :(

Anyways alot has been going on (as usual) and I've been really really watching things and taking ants steps making sure I don't make same painful mistakes again...well asides all that, all I do is eat, sleep, get online, sleep some more and grow FAT (I presume) :D

On other note decided keep the name Tears; just something really unique about it :) Even though am not in tears any more (well atleast not the painful kind)....and did I forget mention am "in love" all over again?? :P

Found new blogger

xx

A Lost Laugh

2008-08-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

What more can one say?? You would be missed...

RIP Bernard Jeffrey McCullough (aka Bernie Mac)

Click on "say" for brief and his pic for full bio....love yourself, family, friends, pets, neighbors, milk boy (may sound lil funny) but ya just got show it when you can!!!

The unKnown

2008-08-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

Is one able to love someone with out physical contact
....even though they say 'love is blind'

Is one able to settle/marry their spouse even when VAST obstacles demand them apart
...they also say ''love conquers all'

Is one able feel what they can't embrace
Believe what they can't challenge
Trust what they can't endeavor
Understand what they can't hear
and voice the word 'love' to a blind, deaf, complicated kind

Is it TRULY....is its existence REAL

If you able grant gratifying answers then I would know...

So what's REALLY going on???

2008-07-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Ya so am out of Bi08! Don't expect get tears from me :P

If ya been following up with the Bi08 you would have heard, last week when 30+ asked us be careful with this cyber world of a thing...could say same thing that drove Desperate Lady, unNaked Soul, Soupasexy, Anu Boy away and others like Ugo Denials, Blk Wolf (My Twiny) Sinem, Zahratique, Pamela and 36'' just decided go on break, catch up with life's dilemmas and return...or they just simply too busy to have the energy again! What ever the case maybe, life has go on...Just know you guys are truly missed :(

But what REALLY is going on...is it a bloggers-bloody jobless-hating on playa virus?

Don't hate the playa, hate the GAME!

xx

Is It Love...Is It Love That Am Feeling???

2008-07-12T02:03:00.000-07:00

OMG you guys would NOT believe what has been going on with my crazy love life!!!! Met this really really really.... ('cute' is beyond the words, so let's leave that space in case they invent a better word, IF they do that is) anyways am thinking call off my wedding with HTB now...

Though is kinda crazy (like they all are), whys my love life always like this?? aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!

He is the sweetest thing ALIVE people!! And still haven't got say "love you too" to him yet!

But do I??????

(Watch out for my song on BI08 on Monday...oh ya, and to get feed back, VOTE for me as well...na juicy gist o! No vote no story :P )

Lemme Just Update Jare....

2008-07-04T04:45:00.000-07:00

Me gots no Tears no more...I don't know how get those voting thingys on up in here, to ask for ya opinions on whether or not I should change my name Tears to something more appealing - name suggestions are open - and Pammy dear vegetable aint an option please LOL! Please feel free drop name suggestion(s) and/or if you think I should just keep it, appreciated!

Updates:
My love life's crazier than it ever was - My husband-To-Bes sweeter than he EVER was (aaaawwwww bless him) - My HiM is almost just as sweet, a tiny winy iny part of me still wants him back but...well there it is, the big BUT!!! - Am participating in Blogville Idols, totally gon suck, don't know how I got myself into it *still wondering - Having mad, but fun visits...Got bunch friends coming over in my just two weeks and four days here, got already like four here anyways!!!! First, Tallie's coming ina few days, so is Husband-To-Be (would be called HTB from now on). Another male friends coming NEXT week (ex-admirer, he a cutie might put up his pix :P), then a fellow blogger (which you ALL know) is coming too, infact make that two. Two bloggers coming, one male, one female, and two other random friends are coming (talk about partying??! *winks).

Guess that sums it up...am exhausted!!! Oh and ya! Today's July 4th, a day for Americans...and my cousins birthday!!! Much Love Cuz!!

BTW feel free vote for me even if I SUCK and make you wanna puke!! :P

As I Moved on...

2008-06-26T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hey you guys!!!!
Told ya would be back soonest *winks....hands up if ya missed me?? well got one hand from disgodkid though, bless you! Ya should show him some love please!

What's New???What's New??? LOTSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

Got alot going on, don't even know where start....but like I said "I've moved ON" I have!! Got here close to two weeks now, and could you believe only did my first number two today??? LOL! (Read number One on my last post here and you'd get what I mean...)
My romance life is changing ever swiftly these days more than EVER!! Tallie's still calling and even telling me he would be visiting soon...HIM got sweet all of sudden and is finally speaking out his heart to me, though I know I had alot to blame...but isn't bygones, bygones? Anyways, is lil too late.... shame, coz am engaged now....YES! I am!!
More on that to come...
xx

Meanwhile Blogville Idols 2008 is HERE!!!!!!
Starting date 7th July!! Don't forget VOTE FOR ME!!!! :D :D

(Click pic for link to the site!!)

This is Me Moving On...

2008-06-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

I've stopped caring...
I've stopped trying...
I've stopped calling...
And most especially...
I've stopped crying!!
This is me MOVING ON!!

ps.won't be on for while coz am moving to a different country (AGAIN) and once I get hold of myself there, would def be back with new chapter of my new life!!!..which would be sooner than soon!

Much L.O.V.E
Tears
xx

What Do Next??!

2008-06-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

We met again...no luck. Fingers still crossed!

Tallie called....

2008-06-04T04:18:00.000-07:00

.....He wants me back :(

What Kills Me...

2008-05-31T18:16:00.000-07:00

Crying...
Sleeping with soaked pillows every bloody night... (ya, got lots pillows, and I soak them ALL)
Not letting that moment last just lil longer... (if I had known it was the last...)

Change is GOOD

2008-05-29T15:54:00.000-07:00

Hey y'al hows it going?Thanks for all your comments and love!I've been away for few days, went to a 7hours drive resort/beach for two days and got meself some BREAK! One thing I must say: Ghanaian guys are the BOMB!! ya well after Jamaicans! Did I get a number? You DAMN right I DID!! :D

Anyways, been wanting share what happened the other day between Tallie and I. After our last conversation, agreeing move on and stay out of each others noses, he came back. Why men always do that? Acting and saying shit they don't mean, with later regret? Anways see for yourselves:

Tallie: How are you?
(after long pause wondering why he would speak to me after what we agreed on...)
Tears: Hey
(rather a faint weak one...)
Long time
Ya....Well thought you did'nt want us speak again
Ya
But?
But doesn't mean we should'nt say hi when we see on the road
Hmmmmmm
You know what I mean
Ya I do but, last time you made it sound like you did'nt want that as well
You did too
No I didn't...And besides, we do say hi before you told me not any more
Ya we were, but you were doing otherwise and seriously intruding in my very personal affairs and couple with what I heard they said you said about me so, I saw you as somone that was close to me so as to get things to go tell people
A gossip?
(now that, right there just FUCKED me up!!)
A gossip right? that's what I am now? tell me whats so spectacular to say about you or your life to people? and how I see these so called "people" to say shit to?
It's ok. Just that any time my names mentioned to anybody at all, they will always say and I will always hear
Hmmmmm, so now you got super powers be in five million places at same time?
(I was geting pissed but was going with the flow coz I know this just one of his tricks)
So why cant you say what it is you heard
(and stop trying act a fool)
Let it go
No please tell me. Coz I know you, if I let it go, you wouldn't, not EVER! This I know for a fact!
Says who?
Says me! Have you changed?
I have. Someone slapped me and I just walked away
(now this I can't believe, coz I remember when you touch him, all hell comes loose, let alone SLAP!)
We all have to move ahead and in doing so, we let old things go
Na lie! I swear I no believe!!!!!!!!!!!!!EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously
Hmmmmmmm.....Ama need see prove then. Wait who slapped you?
A friend, but he later came begging
Am happy for you! Change is good! I also changed...kinda
(bla bla bla....lots catch ups and yarns...)
Aiit I have to leave now coz I gots work to do
I would call you when I come touring in Nigeria again
When would that be?
Probably July or August, before I start my undergraduate
Cool and wish you all the best
Thanks, wish you too *kisses and PLEASE get yourself a girl! Can't believe you broke up with *** in less then year!
Ya, well that's life
Ya, sure sucks doesn't it?
Some will come and go
(accepting in a way, he rather not be with anyone, don't you think?)
Hey this may sound strange but I kinda reminisce alot things about us...how we goof alot, how we used cook alot together, how we fight alot too...I missed it!
(aiit this the thing about me, I take awhile get over things, and most especially those tiny things. And am NEVER ashamed accept or show my feelings, even letting them control me MOST of the times, that's why I had tell him this...)
Shame how things ended. I missed you, you know. But not in a I-want-you-back way, but in normal human way, incase you misconfuse again...Anyways I would be getting married soon you know?
(Yap! next guy I date, or fall in love with has to be the ONE! Even if it kills us!! Atleast we died together abi? Am sick and tried of heart aches already)
But even if I get married I go ema get your back
(I like Nija talks alot, though am still learning)
With money, even when your pride won't let you ask, or moral support, when you feel noone's there for you or whatever. Promise!
Same here girl! Got your back in good and bad
Thanx
Gotta run....Take care then! *kisses
Aiit take care!

Now people, isn't that how it's suppose be? No fighting, no bitting, no getting all crazy and worked up over nothing...I mean we only after all HUMANS! I encourge we all find peace in whom ever we despise, despising or despised. Be like Akon and take the blame if you have to...turst me, it would bring ALOT peace to your heart!

Had my graduation yesterday...yes yes...thank you thank you! Piling them all up now, before we settle in ONE place long enough for me to finally get an undergraduate certificate as well...and that would be on top my other twelve different schools certificates I attended, including my two year diploma, my Certificate in Management Principles and my Basics of Business certificates (Basics was the one I had a ceremony)...damn it I need break!! Been schooling since I was three and ninteen years on still I haven't achieved much out of it...anyways, like my dad always says, is not how fast but how well!!
Wishing you lots out there working ya arses off, studying and preparing for ya exams...all BEST!! Knock them silly!! LOL!
xx

Everyone Gets Tagged...Guess Nows My Turn!

2008-05-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

Was Tagged by Uzezi

Rules: (which are meant to be broken...JK)

1. Link the person who tagged you...
2. Mention the rules in your blog...
3. Tell about SIX unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag SIX following bloggers by linking them... (is all about the sixes...lol)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Ok ama get to that...first though my quirks

1. I can't do my number TWO (or lulu as some of you know it best) anywhere else! Even when I sleep over a friends, or we go for tour somewhere, or even when we move, it takes me WEEKS for the DAMN thing come out!! (kinda like it needs familiarize itself with the environment first, just be sure...lol) Odd but ture!

2. I love going to the gas station coz I LOVE smell of fuel!!Just! And nothing more to it... :D

3. Am an idol addict! I watch ALL idols there is, from Indian idols, Pakistain idols, Asian idols, Russian idols, to South African idols, West and Southern African idols, Nigerian idols and of course the father of all idols "American Idols" (though the British Pop Idols was the father, guess American Idols would be the STEP father then...LOL!) And is intersting to see the smiliarities they try put on the character of every American judge. The ever cheering and optimistic DIVA,Pula Abdul; the honest and nearly always possitive DAWG, Mr Randy Jackson (love that guy); and of course not forget our critical, burtally honest jugde, Simon Cowel (though he does have a soft spot!). In every idol, there's gotta be two guy jugdes and one girl, with exact SAME character of the judges from American idols! Pathetic if you ask me, coz they nearly NOT real...anyways, I enjoy the music anyways, not the pirated judges...(and it does eat up alot y'al time) But who knows, one of these days, you might see me as a contestent on ONE of the idols...LOL!

4. Ok this may not seem all that, but I couldn't think of anything else...I like keeping track of my blog viewers. As of now I got 111 viewers, form 11 countries and counting...saddly enough I also count other bloggers viewers...LOL!

5. This may not be all too much of a shocker, to those whom have been keeping track of my blog (and my name says it all!). I cry ALOT! I mean ALOT! I don't remember a tear free day EVER! Am serious here....I think I need help...I can't do anything without crying or getting my eyes watery (wouldn't want use the cliche of, crying by drop of a hat, but instead...) I can cry while watching a movie, where the actress' scearming, hanging from top of a building, for the super hero save her (movie in mind - Spider Man 3) I would practically start crying before he gets to her...this is how pathetic I am (pathetic..gosh I use that word once too often...aaaaarrrgggghhhh).

6.I iron just about ANYTHING before I wear it! I iron all my underwears and inners clothings, I iron my hair bands, socks, scarfs, handkerchiefs (when I thought having one was cool! LOL!) and many many crazy mini things!!

7. (Told you rules are meant to be broken, I added a seventh one) Only bcoz I want y'al to say what it is you find odd about me, of the lil you think you know of me...please don't repeat what I said and don't try repeat what some else said (yes I know this may be tough!) Or you can add one of you!!

My tags Blk Wolf, Kiki, Standtall, Pammy, Don and Torrance...and incase y'al already been tagged, go ahead and tag someone else instead....

On a different note, just wan send my shout out to my mama (is her birthday today)...Didn't really get say happy mother's day to her when it came, coz to be honest, I don't have much say to her for being a good mom or whatever they say to mom's on that day, except of course thank you for bringing me into this brutal, loveless world of PAIN! Incase y'al wondering why am talking like this, I don't and never had a motherly relationship with my mom, but working on it!! Same way am working on SO many other things!!
"Happy Birthday mom! And please try get yourself a MAN, get more babies and grow older together. Forty-nine with ONE child is not good enough, look at your mates....just saying. Love you nevertheless"

xx

Why I Cry

2008-05-16T03:13:00.000-07:00

....I cry coz
I remember when you told me you loved me and couldn't love another

I cry coz
I doubted you (from the beginning), and had my alternative plans

I cry coz
By time I found out, you were SOME how real, it was too late

I cry coz
We gave up too soon

I cry coz
I reminisce all our crazy laughable moments, when we couldn't let go of eachother. Each and every one of them

I cry coz
I failed you and let you fail me

I cry coz
I let your best friend love me

I cry coz
We distoryed what would have been a beautiful legacy

I cry coz
I left my (some what fixable) three year relationship for you

I cry coz
I remember the look in your eyes when you clutched me in tears not wanting let go, when I found out you slept in same BED with her

I cry as I write this
And only bcoz I have come to release that we are far too young for such chaotic controversies...shame

I cry coz
Though I can't do anything about it (and I know how pathetic this may sound), but I can't see myself loving another so deeply (pathetic...I know!)

I cry coz
There's nothing else left me do...

EVER!
(should have made this my first post right? PERFECT opening...LOL! oh well!)

Merry weekend everyone!!

Some People Just Never Get It!

2008-05-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

Hey people! Has been long i know....any time you see me not update on time, is this bad ass conenction of ours...it lets me read but not post! Anyways got some updates on Tallie for ya!

Back in the day when Tallie and i used to date, he had this fondness of calling his friends or cousins 'girls friends' 'BED mates'! So during one of our crazy dilemma periods, i got close to one of the girls and told her what he used to call her, she didn't at all act like she cared, coz she knew the guy (Tallies friend) had a girl! So anyways, outta the blue Tallie comes online and calls me a gossip (to him saying you have a nice shirt to someone else is classified as "Gossip" dumb! if you ask me!) am like where you coming from, and he won't say. So like whatever man!
What happend was....you see we started dating on April 12th 2005, so i decided send him a text on April 12th 2008 just to say this would have been our third year....NO reply, then i called, and he was like all acting up, feeling and talking funnily. So i hung up, got online and left him an offline saying he didn't really had do that coz atleast for the fact that we had history and all, he should treat me with respect! This was when he came online with his gossip crap! Asking me what i say about him to people, and am like 'you crazy?', 'first you sound SO certain i talk about you behind you, and now you asking??!' LOL! Playing mind games with me makes me sick!! Then he went on about me wanting him back and shit! I was like 'Nigga PLEASE! Just coz i send you a sms saying this WOULD have been our third year, DOES NOT in ANYWAY implie i want you back!!' LOL! 'i dumbed your ass, how can i want it back when i have ALREADY got another AFTER you!! JEEEZ!'
Y'al feel my anger here? I mean listen to him! In the end though, he had nothing! No gossip tales, no make believes, NOTHING! Pathetic! So we agreed on moving on (which we have already anyways) and wishing eachother all best, for the very LAST time...
Kinda same thing that happened between HIM and I! Would post on that soon too! (fingers crossed on my connection)

xx

The Who's and The How's Part II

2008-04-22T08:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry you guys, after waking and resting, got lil carried away (forgot i had blog *grins...well something like that *winks)...anyhoos, back to the "main" stuffs...where was i...

Well after knowing all Mr.Peanut was about...i asked him one day if he REALLY loved me or not, know what he said? "I know how much you don't want be lied to, so i would get back to you on that..." morofucker thought i'ld wait for him...at same time he was all over his ex and was trying hide it...and i proved to him i was much more than that! After him went out briefly with two guys, so brief i think it was a one month thing each, nothing drastic happend (well kinda...would tell some other time) but setteled with one, not among the two i mentioned though, a total different one!! Let's call him Tallie (man he's TALL! - more like from one hell to another...)
Tallie was sweet and all, from the get go (aren't they always? *rolling eyes..) then something happend between his cousins girl (more like bed mate) and the dude (dude = his cousin).. One lonely lecturerless, friendless, livielyless....in short BORING day, i went over her flat with another friend of Tallies. We got in sat and started talking, normal talks...then the bed mate got a call (LOL! don't know what else call her...*grins) it was Tallies cousin, after dropping she kept going on and on about them being brids of same feather and all, i think he pissed her off about something, but seriously what more do you want as a "bed-mate" and is not like she didn't know....she KNEW he had a girl (pathetic if you ask me) anyways though, he pissed her off and she was letting it out to us...one thing led to antoher, she ended up telling me all stuffs she sees Tallie doing, all the girls she see him with at clubs and so. I felt like shit, coz i was like Tallies different and she was like "oh please girl, OPEN your eyes!!" and then it made so much sense in that lil conversation, it explained ALOT! I couldn't take it in, had puked it out...i was throwing out the lil i ate that day on spot! I was purely shocked couldn't even do much, ate less, talked less, got sick...and so much other kinda stress for days! Being me as i am, i couldn't keep it to myself, i confronted him.
Natrurally he acted like he didn't know anything about it, then started accepting...this whole thing got serious coz his cousin went and started beating up the poor girl (and guess what? she still kept opening her legs to him...(some girls don't even have PRIDE in their dictionaries i guess...) anyways, we went through all that and kept going with my eyes WIDE open obviously...so open i even show up his place without annocing my arrival...
Meanwhile our dear friend Mr.Peanut started dating Preicous (so i heard from another ex-group member that still wants date me...infact wanted ask me out before Mr.Peanut came along, tough luck i guess...i can't date my boyfriends friends or whatever, don't know why, just one of my principles....) anythough, they kinda got a thing going...this is people the very SAME guy that dated her sister, then hooked me up with, then takes to her bloody self (sicken if you ask me)...Back to Tallie!
I went over his place one day and there he was with another! He didn't really let me see her, or come ANY where near her (knowing me as he does) i only saw what i saw of her when they kept peeking through the window looking at me...then when he finally came open the door, he didn't let me in and kept asking me come with him to buy something (just so that when foolishly i follow, she would leave, without me seeing her...unh unh! hey had another thing coming!) Yours turly sat there and fought...and i mean FOUGHT!it also got was nasty...and funny too, (LOL!) colliding with the rolling on floor i kept doing (coz they wanted to froce me go in the car with him, and i didn't wanna!! i had to see who the bitch was!! (by 'they' i meant he and his older cousin).
After all that drama, followed dilemas and drastic come backs! i some how couldn't let him go...then we kept going, and things got worst, better, worst, better then worst again.
Then MONTHS later, after our move. He finally tells me who she really was, coz at the time he kept saying it was this person, that person....was sister of his friend. I always called that his friend a PIMP! The guy keeps hooking him up with girls, and finally landed on his own sisters (irritatates the SHIT outta me!!)...
Tallie said he didn't want me see her coz he knew i might think otherwise, that she just came over with the friend and stayed back, and they started talking, but nothing happened. Then i asked him why would she stay if she didn't have a reason to? he then confronts to me, what they had, but that nothing more than a mere kiss would have happend...hmmmmm (y'al thinking what am thinking??!!) At this point i lost it!! How DARE he tells me that??!!
Then told him about my ugly lil secert too....back when i was messed up and hurt from what his cousins bed-mate told me, i went over another old friends place and ended up kissing him...though i left before anything happend and told him ALOT went down!! LOL! Just get him pissed...and he did! LOL! Used that to leave him...but even that wasn't enough, coz after a while he came back saying he had forgaven me (is that a word...who cares!)... I was like WTF??!
(even though is was kinda sweet of him) but then i still knew deep down it was all the beginning of the end for us...
Anyways, i later on told him i lied (like months later!)...and we laughed it off...but like i said it wouldn't have work out coz with the distance and all, it would just make things TEN MILLION times harder!! I then met another piece of HELL! Let's call him....ummmm....lets see....errrr....how about just HIM (coz he is just him, and i can't think of a better name as of now).
HIM was one of the reasons why i let Tallie go, even after his constent begging....and my constent no's...we FNALLY broke up after NINE months of breaking and making (with Tallie that is)...and at this time he didn't know i knew about his new girl...story for another day!!

I've written too much and really exhausted, guessing you are too from all the reading....anyways this WHOLE blog thing and my name "tears" came from all the heartaches i went through but mostly though, was coz of HIM! So my next post would be all about the current events, a lil about how Tallie and Mr.Peanut ended up...and about some daily issues i go through, mostly caused by HIM....would try to be updating often this time (not really a promise *grins so don't be dissappointed)
Enjoy! xx

The Who's and The How's..

2008-04-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

I know there are alot of girls that went through alot because of love. But i feel like am the only one that is going FUCKING insane of it...the shits WACK!
Lemme break it down to you...i've had two (plus recnt one, making it three) experiences of bad love in my life (not many enough to complain about right?well to me it is..).I never really fancy love much and all its fancy pancy stuffs...(what the HELL am i talking bout right?)well then lemme take some time to explain...
For YEARS i watched romantic movies,read about it,heard about it and watched how it tore the hearts,souls and spirits of its victims with its venomous claws...i was just then an aduience to these tragic scenes,never really intended to join the "gang". For eight years of knowing love and what's about,i choose to stay single (and one HELL of a scared one!) till the day i got in the Uni. I was SUCH a typical JJC then ( so my nigerian friends say!) BIG time!! anways...to make a long story even longer,i met my first boyfriend through a "friend" (so it seemed to me then...), lets call her Preicous (from the whole good and evil of the ring in the Lord of the Rings...) and we'ld call him Mr.Peanut (basically implied to emptyness of the brain!).
The very first time i saw Mr.Peanut,i had NO what so ever feelings for him, just thought he was kinda cute and all...nothing more, nothing lesser than more...We hung out every day, Preicous, Mr.Peanut, Precious' sister, Mr.Peanuts friend and me...we were a cool group (gosh those days...) Till one day Precious told me...hold up...actually she was trying use her second sense to get it out of me that i liked him (see why it was her second sense? coz it didn't work..) i kept obivously saying No to her, but she made it to some kinda CSI investigation and started using other tactics...which also never worked. He may have asked her to, coz he like prob thinks there's NO girl out there that would set eyes on him and NOT fancy him....but along came Tears and broke the hidious record...
So anyways, i told Precious what i felt then, that i just thought him to be cute and that was IT! not knowing that was the it she's been waiting for. She then tells me that he appearantly liked me...and asked me if i wanted to go out with him...and i asked her if he some how lost his voice and could only speak in sign language which he has yet to master and could in NO way communicate with anyone but her...some how...and therefore could not tell me this himself. She cracked and said "no", just that he confindes in her alot...and she took the liberty, on her own, to ask me coz she thought we could make a great couble...this SAME guy that broke up with her sister...(story for another day...the end gets better)...so, i was like, "let him be a man and tell me his bloody self" (i hate when men do that...)
Weeks later he tells me in the most riduculious way EVER...so i was like "you not trying hard enough"...coz for some bizarre reason, he made it sound like he would be doing me a favour by going out with me...so the next time he tried (which was weeks later), it was more human and more respectful. then i just accepted with a nod...coz to tell you the turth, i developed feelings for him by then...which made my pride a lil weaker than usual....
So we started out well....three months later he becomes a big time ARSE!!Told me he was a playa and all about would change for me (lesson number one: NEVER believe a single letter a playa uses to form words with...all lies!!). He told me he didn't want losse me. Told me he has a secret to reveil...that he was a cultist...i never really knew what that was all about,he kinda had to break it down to me.What they do to babies (tooooo nasty for me to put back in words), when, how and to whom!!...i wasn't all that scared though...which i think he wanted me to...just wondered how nasty and heartless one could be (should have taken the hint right???...well) i was sooo blinded with love that nothing was visible for me... (Lesson number two: NEVER get weak in love!!)...

Gosh! am exhusated from all this typing...to be continued...sorry guys, girls gotta SLEEP!!

The Search Stops..

2008-03-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

Growing up I never really had the parenting love MOST kids get. I never had any friend I could call "friend" like someone we grew up with (tend to move alot), shared everything or simply the ONLY person you could turn to when nothing seems right (you know, that feeling when your best friends always there for you?) well I didn't have the previlegde to have or grow up with all that.... SO!
Well ya, I know alot people are like that, lonely and shit (even worst)...so I might as well suck it up, and live right? ya. well..I did...in fact I did for twenty-one YEARS! The only reason I chose act like I havn't, is bcoz I kinda GAVE up! (then why come to blogville? - coz I heard blogville's got alot L.O.V.E)...so I came have the FEEL! you knw, feel among! (already got some in my first comments...thnx u guys *blushing). When someone comes to blogville all s/he gotta do is post, post, post and...POST! it doesn't matter how crazily bazzarly annoyingly funnyingly stupidly intelligently geniusly insanily creative the person is, people would comment, love, care and on top all, take that EXTRA mile for you (a complete stranger!) So, don't get me wrong, am not here for anything more then the sweet warm ture feeling (hope so...) of the love thats been clouding blogville...and I know am just a DROP in the ocean, compared most people and their issues, but doesn't hurt to try does it?? is what I've been searching for... tried ALL my life..and damn it am I TIRED!!

How it Starts...

2008-03-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog...here i would pure out my pains and gains...bascially all the other boring stuffs about my life...hope you enjoy it and not drop dead of bordom and attempt a lawsuit or something of such...in my defence, i've pre-warned you!